When someone says they’re not a habitancy person, what does that nothing else but mean? Do they mean it in the general sense – that they don’t like people? That seems odd because friends, parents, spouses or partners, kids – well, they’re all people. Or do they mean that they like habitancy but just find them difficult to deal with? That seems easier to understand because we’ve all found ourselves in that situation at one time or another.
Why is that though, why are habitancy difficult to deal with? Sometimes it’s because they’ve just made up their mind to be that way. You can still try to deal with them, but be prepared to fail (someone who has made up their mind to be nothing else but difficult will make sure you fail)!
Pragmatic
Most often, however, it’s not because they, as a person, are difficult – or nothing else but that we are difficult. It’s because we either don’t understand the other person’s perspective on the situation that has brought us together and/or they don’t understand ours. Why, you ask, is that? Well, we all see things differently. That’s the ensue of our education, our background, our experiences and all of the other things that make us who we are.
The ways in which we see things, our perspective, exhibit themselves in what Dorothy and Robert Bolton call our style. There are no right or wrong styles or good or bad styles, there are just styles – and everybody has one. The key is to know our own and to be able to identify the style of the someone we’re dealing with. The Boltons came to the conclusion that there are only four. So, they’re not too difficult to remember or to use.
Each person’s style is a stock of how Assertive and Responsive they are determined to be by the habitancy around them. Assertiveness is the degree to which we are seen as being directive or forceful. Responsiveness is the degree to which we are perceived as being either emotionally responsive/expressive or emotionally controlled.
People with the Driver style blend a high degree of emotional control with a high degree of assertiveness; they are seen as being decisive, pragmatic and efficient. Their opposites are kindly types who couple a high level of emotional responsiveness with a low level of assertiveness. Amiables are supportive, patient and loyal.
The Analytical style is often found in, for example, accountants and engineers – two professions which typically attract habitancy with high emotional self-control and a low level of assertiveness and who are logical, appropriate and serious. An example of their opposites is salespeople, who are often Expressives, very assertive and very emotionally responsive. Expressives are outgoing, enthusiastic and persuasive.
Notice that I referred to Analyticals and Expressives as opposites (as I did withDrivers and Amiables). If two habitancy with opposite styles set out to reveal how difficult is that going to be? Odds are that they may – to use the old expression – rub each other up the wrong way. But what will happen if the Expressive (seeking to improve his/her sales skills) has learned about the four styles and understands the typical Analytical’s style? The salesperson can adapt his/her behaviour to adapt the accountant’s coming and steer the meeting to a win-win outcome.
What applies to a salesperson, applies just as much to the rest of us – particularly if we have habitancy reporting to us. Taking time to adapt – or flex – our style to that of the habitancy we work with means our business will advantage from the most effective efforts we all have to give. It also means less dissatisfaction and that everybody will be happier at work.
Understanding a person’s style also helps us understand how they will react when they are under pressure. The researchers established that all four styles move to more extreme, rigid and non-negotiable forms of behaviour when under stress. Analyticals come to be avoiders, maybe even leaving the room when stressed, while Amiables acquiesce and comply, although they may not do what they have agreed to do. Drivers come to be more pushy and autocratic, insisting that things are done their way – now. Expressives typically unleash a personal strike accompanied by strong language, high volume and emphatic gestures.
Try this: think of one or two habitancy you work with and form out their style using the characteristics mentioned above. Then think about the last time you saw them under pressure. Did they behave as expected? Odds are that they did. We can use this knowledge to avoid or defuse potentially destructive situations.
We say habitancy are our most primary resource. So take a itsybitsy time and form out your own style. Then take a itsybitsy more and do the same for the habitancy you work (and live) with. Insight and using these very emotionally expressive four uncomplicated styles will help you get a much great response from habitancy – and leave them wondering why you’re never difficult!
To take issue with anyone I’ve said, share your experiences or to learn more about the book “Social Style/Management Style” by Robert and Dorothy Grover Bolton, Isbn 0-8144-7617-1, send me an email at jimstewart@profitpath.ca or call me at 416-258-9610.
© Copyright ProfitPath, a division of Jds & associates Inc., 2007
Understand Four straightforward Styles and Get Great Results
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